Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize