I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
