This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
