I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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