so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize