So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
