Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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