Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize