I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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