I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
