so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
