me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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