We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize