I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
