What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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