i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
