In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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