shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
