the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
