Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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