Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
