I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
