I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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