oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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