your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
