he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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