I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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