After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
