She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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