we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
