Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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