im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
