Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
