I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
