I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
