she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
