In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize