i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
