make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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