apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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