apparently the secret to your success is patron
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Panties = found
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize