Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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