finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
