I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
