I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
