Just mADE A PArabola og urine
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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