Are we in a gay sports bar?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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