I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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