soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
