Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize