No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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