Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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