I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Vodka?
Forever.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
