I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
