Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
