i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
