From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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