i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
