I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
