You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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