im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
