are you still at the devil's house?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize